ritzraff : pseudo villain or superhero?

Forgetful Me

2009-06-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

Forgot I had this blog.

History of medicine photos HERE.

What happens to Disney Princesses post-fairytale? THIS.

And I am super addicted to the thrifthorror community on LiveJournal. Have fun!

Show your pockets!

2008-08-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

100 Products, compared with the picture on the box. You know, "wow, this looks good," then you get a product home and it looks like shit?

An online Apple emulator that actually has loads of games.

Hilarious do's and don'ts for babies. In graphic format, like those warning card things...whatever. Just visit.

I need the book Stuff White People Like just put out.

Scan your face and everything in your pockets! I love shit like this.

Random blah.

2008-08-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

Playing with online sand is strangely relaxing.

Star Wars takes over classic art.

Weird...I like it:
This stuff

Sharing Surrealism

2008-08-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

This community on deviantart had a great idea. One person would draw, say, a third of a picture. They would send the drawing to someone else, who would draw another third (only an inch of the other person's side showing), then one last person would complete the picture.

The results are wonderfully surreal:
Exquisite Corpse Surreal Gallery

Way of the Sheep

2008-08-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

Very rarely do I find a site that is so amazing that I can't bring myself to feature another link in my post. Well, I just found one of (seriously) the greatest things I have ever stumbled across online.

Markus Neidel's Way of the Sheep is basically a surrealistic work of art that never ends. The whole work is creepy, fantastical, and tells a haunting, surreal story. You scroll from top to bottom, looping around and around forever. The journey begins with a nightmarish-looking boy's counting sheep falling down a demon-riddled hole.

Seriously, you *will* bookmark this site. Once the journey begins, you can't stop...you fall down just like Alice. AMAZING.

Math Clocks, Dive Suits, and More Puppets

2008-07-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

A clock to test your math skills? I vote yes.

I love creepy puppets and all, but even I must say that this is a bit much.

And I just find this old dive suit to be incredibly cool and creepy. Click to view for a more impressive full-size.

Game Sites

2008-07-16T18:54:00.001-07:00

A game in which you try to avoid a big red ass from crapping on you.

Go ahead...you know you want to play.

I can't stop killing this toboggan-ist.

Kongregate - how have I lived without it?

I don't know about best, but they're timewasters. I feel dumb for really liking crappy restaurant games.

Chase No Face

2008-07-08T02:48:00.001-07:00

There's a cat named Chase who got in a car accident and was left with literally no face. Now the cat visits people who are disfigured in order to inspire them. Read all about it (WARNING: no accident pics, but creepy pics of a cat with no skin on its face) here:

chasenoface.blogspot.com

Scary Games

2008-07-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

Not a game so much as a creepy wait and see what happens type thing. Turn lights off and sound up for full effect. Well done, but I wish it was longer and more of an actual game.

The House - a bit of an oldie, but a goodie.

I jumped in the bathroom.

Also check out NFH Propaganda and any of these.

For something a bit less creepy, 99 Rooms is a good bet.

I Heart Johnny Rotten But...

2008-06-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

...damn, is he a cunt sometimes. I mean, duh, he's Johnny Rotten. Ignore my shitty formatting...this is from any site you can find it on:

The Welsh singer approached the punk backstage at the MOJO Honours List
awards ceremony and tried to hug him.
Johnny allegedly brushed her off, saying: “F**k off, you ****. You never do
that to me.”
The ‘Warwick Avenue’ singer was so shocked she burst into tears.
A source said: "Duffy could not believe it. It came completely out of the
blue.
"She went to throw an arm around John as they posed up for their group
photo. He obviously wasn't expecting it and jumped when she touched him.
"Then he let loose with his tirade - it was still totally uncalled for.
Duffy looked terrified and began to cry."
A spokesperson for Duffy – real name Aimee Anne Duffy- said: “Duffy was
completely shocked by Johnny’s outburst. She just wanted to give him a hug
and introduce herself. She was really shaken and upset and went home
immediately in tears.”

====

Maybe he was just having a manopausal day?

Geekery Techo Style

2008-06-26T04:32:00.001-07:00

The weird technological geekery I like has a name:
Steampunk. Who knew?

Weird jewelry HERE. Too lazy to use pics today.

Also, Clive Barker had polyps removed from his throat awhile back. I always worried when I heard his gravelly voice.

From clivebarker.info:
Clive Barker : "And there was... Inevitably when you talk about growths, polyps, people want to know whether it’s benign or not. These have gone, there was nothing cancerous - the danger was that they were causing me to have difficulty breathing and swallowing and talking and now they’re gone and I can’t believe the change in my energy and the way I sleep more easily - you know I would wake up over and over again because I was stopping breathing in my sleep and I don’t do that anymore and so it’s been, for something that took an hour and a half to do, talk about life-changing! I feel incredible, I feel so good!"

Yay! My God will be around for years to come! I'm glad he's feeling spiffy again. Wa-woot!

Crageous Flash Games

2008-06-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

If you've never visited Newgrounds, you're lame. This guy(?) hasn't made anything new in forever, but he was my favorite game maker there, since his games actually required a bit of thinking.

CLICK HERE

Miniature People Being Sad

2008-05-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

My formatting is way, way off...I think it's because I wasn't typing enough before each photo. Apologies, but these are must-sees, hum dizzle!

Thomas Doyle has some very lovely miniature snow globe-esque art of sad little people.

Like this:

What the actual piece of art looks like:

This is beautiful:

My favorite is this. It's so depressing.

Close-up:

Typeracer!

2008-04-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, sorry - one more link. I'm a nerd...a race (with little moving animated cars!) to see if you are a fast enough typist to beat other online typists! Neurotically, geekily addictive.

Go, Typeracer, go!!!

Though, based on my performances after 4 races (of which I won all 4), either:

a.) I'm better than I thought at typing
b.) other people suck more
or
c.) people at 10:44 a.m. Pacific time cannot function quickly enough to type

Coffin Couches, Cubes, Curves, and Cartoons Gone Crazy

2008-04-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

I totally need a new couch. This one is made out of a coffin. Yes, a coffin. Thus, I cannot tell you how badly I want this thing. And best of all, these are all made from used coffins. You know, people weren't buried in them, but these are ones either used as display models or ones for viewings. Seriously. That is awesome. Please buy me one - they are only around $4,500 and well worth every dollar.

Coffincouches.com

I love and adore old, vintage photos. Usually, I must make do with LiveJournal community's consisting of old family photos. That's nice, but sometimes you want a big ol' off-LJ gallery. Well, here's a really good one! Yippee!

How'd you like to try maneuvering on that road? Or any of these crazy streets for that matter. I'm not the best driver in the world, so um...no. Just...no. Particularly NO on this one CLICK.

I love crap like this. It's called Pooh Goes to Hollywood, and while the characters don't really look like Winnie the Pooh, it's still awesome. I, however, suck at figuring out which movies things like that are depicting. See if you fare better.

I leave you with this, which, if legal, I would totally do to my 500-square-foot apartment. Not only would it give me extra room to store more crap I don't need, but most importantly, it really makes me think of Cube, one of my favorite sci-fi movies EVER. Niiiiice.

Flipbooks, Abductions, and Robot Pigs

2008-04-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

Coolest lamp ever? I think so. Who wouldn't want that? Unless, I mean, you're a complete MORON! I mean...look at it. Bask in its otherworldly glory. Feel yourself compelled to embrace the sights and sounds of worlds imagined only in your creepiest of dreams. [link]

Moooooooooooooooo!

Turn one of the most famous shipwrecks/tragedies of all time into a fantabulous joyride for you, yours, and ours! That's right, step right up aboard the S. S. Tiflatatanic. Bounce onboard this air-filled, cozy little ship and remember - when life hands you lemons, simply deflate the shit out of things.

This is so damned awesome:

Pig machine? CREEEEEEPYYYYY.

Ether Elegia creates beautiful, surreal art with manipulated photos. Very dreamy and just...gorgeous.

Do you like screws? Really, really like screws? No, not that screws...the kind you use a screwdriver with. The tool. Ah, jeez...too many innuendos. Someone really likes screws...I mean...really.

Screw Asylum (yes, it's SFW, you sickos)

Married to the Sea

2008-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, seriously, why did I never know the Toothpaste for Dinner guy made this?

married to the sea comic. Ingenious. Like a Dick and Jane book gone twisted. Go. Read. Now.

Youngme, Nowme

2008-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

I love stuff like this. Pictures of people re-enacting photos of themselves as young whippersnappers.

Youngme, Nowme

That's all I got right now, for I must study Biology. Ciao!

Paper Art

2008-04-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

Previously posted on my lj.

Amazing artist of the day!

This guy creates staircases, skeletons, castles, birds, etc...all by cutting shapes out of paper. I kid you not. This guy is amazing.

LINK IS HERE

Some of my favorites:
[ 1 ] dead thinker.
[ 2 ] I love stairs...in just about any form.
[ 3 ] yeeha!
[ 4 ] adorable.
[ 5 ] this is right up my twisted alley.
[ 6 ] sad, but beautiful.
[ 7 ] first one I saw...wow.

And this, just so you can see the massive size of some of his creations, as well as how he cuts out the shapes:
Impressive!

WOW...if I had the patience...I still would suck at that.

Ever wonder how big a blue whale is? I mean, really is? Well, I hope your Internet connections are quick, or you'll be loading the size of one into your monitor for a looooong time.

But this must be seen to be believed.

Click here for a life-size blue whale.

A blue whale, the largest animal to EVER live, full size in your computer. Let the wonders of nature amaze and render you speechless.

Coffee Machines & Slow-Mo Lighters

2008-04-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

I don't even drink coffee, but I really, really want one of these. I just want it to sit around and look awesome.

These kinds of fake forms amuse me so much. And this one, you just click on and fill out. VOILA! Insta-lame-funniness. :)

EDIT: Here's the link, duh: CLICK HERE!

Play Mario and all the Nintendo games online!
Yes, I am a dork.

You can make your own interactive family tree here:
Geni

Or why not make your own virtual tour, say, of your house?

And I don't know why I find this so fascinating; I just do:

Inner Life of Martin Frost

2008-04-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

The Inner Life of Martin Frost got horrible, I mean horrible, reviews. I mean, it's slow and not much happens, but it's a.) got David Thewlis in it, and b.) it's about a muse in physical form. And Paul Auster narrates it.

I think you must have to be an extremely dorky writer to get it or something, but I thought it was...oookaaaay. Not brilliant, but not the worst thing ever. It's one of those movies that stays at about the same emotional level throughout, which The Fountain did as well (though that movie, IMO, is an A+ film). Some people would think it extremely boring, but as a writer, I can relate to it.

It does, however, seem like it would do better as a play, particularly once the fifty minute mark hits. This is also the bit that gets a bit too odd for most people, I'm assuming.

Once the hour mark hit (it's only an hour and a half long), though, I was ready for it to end. I also felt how Martin is feeling on the right - bored. Nothing was happening, and what was happening was ticking along slower than a clock stuck on slow-motion reverse in the Twilight Zone.

It wouldn't be something I'd pull off the shelf over and over and over, but it was...alright. Sadly, it started off quite good from a writer's viewpoint, then it just got fuckin' boring. I just wanted to ogle Mr. Thewlis and ignore the movie itself. It started having flashbacks to stuff in the movie that didn't need flashbacks...gah.

PROS:

David Thewlis ass shot
David Thewlis and his amazing actorly goodness
it's about writing
it has a muse in it
plenty of Thewlis mouth action
David Thewlis throwing a screwdriver at a dart board...exciting!
A line towards the end, in which Claire (muse) says, "no sex for a year," and Martin (Thewlis), blindfolded, asks hopefully, "not even with the blindfold?"

CONS:

stupid cowboy outfit guy
nothing much happens in it
feels more like a play
dull soundtrack
muse is not fantastical enough
feels like Paul Auster trying to seem more important than he is

Overall Grade:C, possibly C+, if photos like these factor into it.

Three Minute Man

2008-04-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

I found this article amusing...

"Sex Therapists: a Few Minutes Is Best
By MEGAN K. SCOTT, AP

NEW YORK — Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."

SERIOUSLY?! Three minutes?! I agree with the 13, but THREE?! Who said THREE?! As someone who prefers the actual sex to foreplay, I can only assume the women who said three were those who got like fifty minutes of canoodling, cuz honestly...way to not like sex at ALL. Maybe those people who wanted three minutes either got super oral beforehand, or were like ninety and dry as a mummy's asshole.

Velvet Revolver Boots Weiland

2008-04-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, shocking. But Velvet Revolver, one of the only decent recent (heh! rhyme!) rock bands have given that sexy troublemaker, Scott Weiland, the boot.

The news from this news article informs us:

"Velvet Revolver was confronted from the start with Weiland's drug and legal problems as it juggled performance schedules, recording sessions and promotional work to accommodate his court dates and rehab.

Last month, Weiland pleaded innocent to a charge of driving under the influence of drugs stemming from his arrest on a Los Angeles freeway ramp in November. He is free on $40,000 bail and is due back in court for a pretrial hearing on Friday.

A public feud between Weiland and Velvet Revolver's drummer already had cast doubt on the band's future when the statement on behalf of Sorum, Slash, McKagan and Kushner was issued under the headline "Velvet Revolver to Part Ways with Singer."

"This band is all about its fans and its music, and Scott Weiland isn't 100% committed to either," Slash was quoted as saying. "Among other things, his increasingly erratic on-stage behavior and personal problems have forced us to move on."

Oh, Scott. Must you be forever a druggie? Seriously. I miss the days of your late STP glam-wannabe fabulousness.

A la one of the weirdest, yet sexiest, music videos ever (IMHTTO*):

Or even this oddity:

I was never too obsessed with STP's earlier stuff, but damn, I loved No. 4 and Shangri-La...even Scott's crappy solo album. But yes, VR done with him? I don't blame them...but poop nugget asshole, that sucks. I wonder if he'll ever get clean?

*doubts it, sadly*

*in my holier-than-thou opinion

Odell Memories

2008-03-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This site requires you to install a plugin. It seemed okay after I installed it, but I have good anti-virus software.

Remember Odell Lake on those old Apple IIe computers? I played the crap out of those when I was in 4th-5th grades. In 6th grade, we got Macs, and I was really annoyed because they didn't have Odell Lake, Mystery House, or Oregon Trail on them.

Go to Odell Lake!

Fondling Interviewers and Scary Robert Stack

2008-03-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

Marilyn Manson being fondled by a drunken (seems like it, anyway) reporter.

WARNING: Contains Manson ass.

AMAZING. I'm imagining what someone like Nick Cave would do...get all offended. Manson just fondles the interviewer right back.

I need this Unsolved Mysteries DVD. That show scared the shit out of me when I was little. Seriously...creepy.

Lights, Camera, 19th Century Action!

2008-03-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

I want some mad scientist lights. Don't you? I am coming to the conclusion rather quickly that perhaps I should have decided to be an inventor. First, I'd have to invent a time machine, then travel back to when shit like this was actually used. Or maybe I should just become a director of B movies. That might be easier.

This is absolutely amazing. 19th century views on what a Christian wife should do on her wedding night.

Excerpt:

"Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband."

From the 19th century Christian sex manual.

Now, get off your ass and go play a Flash game that requires a bit o' brainpower!

Now, I go resume watching the lovely John Cusack in 1408 yet again. I enjoy crappy thrillers and good ones alike...this one, IMO, is good.

Doc from Back to the Future, Watch Out!

2008-03-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

The art of Chris Mars is very creepy, and very, very, very good. I'm at school, and I kept thinking I was going to freak people out by looking at stuff like this guy does. It's very twisted, macabre, horror comic stuff. Brilliant.

I didn't know which image to use to lure you into his site, so you'll just have to take the initiative to visit the site and see it all for yourself. I particularly enjoy the scratchboard section.

NOTE: Lovely, grotesque horror images; use common sense when viewing in public.

Exchanging recipes in Pipe Town, depicted at right.

Other favorites:
Aftermath Monument
Bottle Town of New Myths
Church of Bob
Clyde Below the Mumphrey
Dull and Groggy
Extractions in the Suicide Ward
Forgotten Town
Gear Graphic
Instruction from Engine Vowel Phonics
Receiving Indoctrination Immunity
Sleeper's Wake
Tempest
Transmigration

If more beautiful (yet still, mind you, a bit creepy) things are your style, why not delve into the artwork of Jessica Joslin? She obtains any bones she uses through the same places museum exhibitions get theirs from. However, Ms. Joslin makes creations that are like large pieces from music boxes.

These are real bones, so steer clear if that'll creep you out or something. I find her art to be gorgeous. Maybe that's what I'll have my cat turned into when she dies in, like, ten years.

Okay, whoa. Found this site completely by accident. I. Love. Clocks. Ever since my parents took me into a gift shop when I was about five, they've fascinated me (they were getting me a Fraggle Rock stuffed animal, but the place had a lot of clocks). Clocks are gorgeous and, in my opinion, the more mechanical and ancient-looking, the better.

Well, these are just about the coolest clocks I have ever seen. I mean, seriously. You know you want this Elton John meets Liberace meets Las Vegas Elvis work of tacky. :)

I kept expecting to see a clock put into an old telephone, you know...the kind the mom in Lassie had? Put a clock in one of those, jazz it up, make it look awesome, and I'll pay $2000.00 for it. GLADLY.

Anyway, the site is Klockwerks.com, and it makes me feel like I'm in Doc's workshop in Back to the Future.

I'm not sure, but I think this Andrew Smith fellow may be the guy who created the rolling ball sculpture at OMSI. His site's in flash, so I can't direct-link to what I want to show you, but go to his "NEW WORKS," then click on "Bubbler #1". I. Want. That. And the thing that is similar to the OMSI piece is found at "ROLLING BALL", then "Grandfather Time," only without the clock.

I also want the tornado machine, found at "KINETIC," and then "Tornado II". That guy is amazing. All this stuff that's futuristic, yet looks like it's from old science fiction movies. AMAZING.

I end with this lovely collection of wallpapers featuring old, antiquated machinery, gadgets, and gizmos.

Oooo, purdy.

Nostalgia Lane, Faceplants, Robots

2008-03-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but I find this robot very, very disturbing.

Successful face transplants are now possible:
Creepy. But...I want to know what the dead person really looked like, because the lady seems to look like herself. Isn't it mostly the underlying bone structure, after all, that makes you look most like yourself?

Cardboard furniture! YAAAAY! I need to dig up the photos of the cardboard desk (yes, desk) that my brother and I made as a joke for my mom a few Christmases ago. Awesome.

x-entertainment has been my favorite site for years. Yes, YEARS. It's been online since 2000, and it's an insanely huge, amusing, chuckle-inducing trip down nostalgia lane. 80s commercials, shows, food items, trips to 99 cent stores. It's amazing. Best. Blog. EVER.

Come on! There are cheezy/awesome commercials (download the Slim Jeans one - it is AMAZING!), things in x-e's freezer, 80's era sticker albums (you KNOW you had one!), practical joke/gag items, children's vending machines [and more], cereal prizes, carnivals, arcades. I don't need to continue. X-Entertainment is God. Just make sure you never visit the Worst Game Room Ever.

Poop Freeze That Melting Cow!

2008-03-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

In January, 2005, there was a massive ice storm in Geneva. I'm sure it really sucked at the time, but there's no denying it led to some astoundingly beautiful photos to be created.

A gorgeous gallery of ice storm photographs can be viewed here.

You know how, when you swirl a flashlight around in the dark, afterimages of the light remain for awhile? Ever taken photos of something like that? Yeah, well, imagine any photos you've ever seen of such things multiplied by a coolness factor of a hundred.

Loads of beautiful light art.

How about some very interesting sculptures? This one fascinates me...both because of the melting, and its bright blue color. I love weird art, and this is weird art that is, as a plus, really, really good.

Something about art of animals dressed like people has always scared the living crap out of me. I think it all started with a set of rubber stamps my mom had, which showcased cats dressed in Victorian garb. Very, very terrifying.

I leave you for now on a crappy note. Have a prize turd you want preserved? Buy Poop Freeze today! Only $12.99 a can, and hell...with the demand for poo art on the rise, how could you go wrong? BUY TODAY!!!

Evening Wrecked Cars

2008-03-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

You wouldn't think night-time photos of wrecked cars would be this beautiful, would you?

Clicky-click.

Steve Buscemi's Interview : Movie Review

2008-03-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

It takes a certain something to draw me into a film and fully commit to it emotionally. This emotional connection, I feel, is what can make a movie truly great.

There are varying degrees to this emotional depth, it is true. Usually the emotional commitment made is so intense that I have to stop at the end, giving myself time to digest and process what I have just witnessed on screen. I have, to the best of my knowledge, never seen a movie that seemed incredibly simple on the surface, only to have it pull me apart unexpectedly.

Well, I have just watched a piece of magnificent film work that I went into thinking it would be one way, only to have it be so much more than expected. That film is Steve Buscemi's remake of Interview [ link ].

At base level, Interview is a film about celebrity and all it entails. Steve Buscemi plays Pierre Peder, a journalist whose pieces generally center around politics and war. When his editor-in-chief gives him a fluff piece assignment, to interview famous actress Katya, he is dismayed to be reduced to such a low level.

He meets up with Katya in a restaurant, after she arrives over one hour late. Things do not go smoothly. He is peeved to have to interview such a person, and she, in turn, is offended that he has not seen any of her films or brushed up on her life. Their interview ends poorly, with her storming out, and Pierre left without a piece to turn in to his editor.

Upon leaving the restaurant, Pierre ends up in a minor car wreck caused in part by Katya. Feeling bad for Pierre's minor injury, she takes him up to her loft to get cleaned up.

Over the course of the proceeding hours, we experience a ping-pong match between the two characters. They get along, then they don't. They find a minor connection between them, only to have their disdain for one another shortly reemerge.

The premise seems as though it will center around celebrity, and while this is certainly a large aspect of the film, it is by no means the most important one. This is a film about how, no matter where you come from or what you do, we are all flawed human beings. It is a statement of truth and deception, and a testament to the fact that, sometimes, life's greatest complexities are lurking behind things which seem so simple.

Interview is not easily summarized, since to do so in-depth would be to give away key points of the plot. Suffice it to say that Sienna Miller and Steve Buscemi portray their characters exquisitely, bringing realness to the wonderful script.

This film sucks you in gradually. You don't know how far you've fallen into it until you are submerged beyond retrieval. As previously stated, this film is deeper and more meaningful than it at first appears.

Interview is unique in the sense that it is a rare example of a film successfully being carried by only two actors. Buscemi and Miller are so genuine, their chemistry so great, that you forget you are watching two actors.

You see these two characters, from two different worlds, gradually realizing more about each other and the world. Through their constant battle between understanding one another and bickering, we are left with a realization. We realize that sometimes, it is not our similarities that make us relate to one another, but our differences. It is oddly moving witnessing two people finally open up and bare their true souls to one another.

Or do they? This is the question that makes the film, above all else, worth watching. You end up feeling emotionally pulled in different directions, and just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize you don't.

A superb film standing as a testament to the way humans are, and a well-acted, well-directed film about our society's fascination with celebrity.

GRADE: A-

Night Vision Goggles and Button Eyes

2008-02-29T10:19:00.000-08:00

I love Neil Gaiman. I really, really do. So I am pumped to see the movie version of his creepy kids' story, Coraline.

Button eyes are scary.

That'd be a link to the trailer, don'cha know?

I feel like a happy crackfiend when I watch this.
Weird, semi-creepy puppets? Oh, yes!

You know the good ol' blue screen of death? Some guy got it as a tattoo. Incredibly lame, yet rather amusing.

At leaast it's not abort? retry? fail?

I love optical illusions.
Looks like it's in color until you move your eyes.

You know you want a Terminator pair of night vision goggles!

Spiral galaxies may be my favorite things...EVER.

Now to update my LJ with some weird hotels I need to visit.

Back From the Dead

2008-02-28T11:18:00.000-08:00

Remind me to keep updating this dang thing. I don't know why, as no one reads or will ever read it. But it's a nice, simple way for me to keep track of the random crap I find online. And it's more complicated than bookmarking things, which renders this pretty pointless, actually, but I'm pathetically hoping that, if I update here enough, I will eventually a.) get the point, and b.) become magically e-famous.

Somebody tell me why it took me until now to find this gem, which is right up my alley. I only wish it included pictures of the stalls.

All the lovely bathroom quotes your sick little hearts could ever wish for.

Writing's On the Stall

Seriously, though, the ones that get me are the sayings CARVED into rest room doors. Who spends that long in there? I mean, it takes me five minutes at the most, and that's only if it's an infinite wiper. I mean...seriously. Do people spend that much time in there solely to carve into the bathroom doors? Seems like there are better ways to waste your time, but I dunno. Some of those quotes are pretty amusing...but the carved ones are usually one-word expletives, not quotes, so really...what's the point?

This is a very interesting concept for a website. A human clock, with a different photo of, say, a person holding a sign with the current time on it...for every minute of the day. You can set up your time zone to ensure you're viewing proper photos. The page automatically reloads with a new photo every minute. Oddly, well, time-consuming.

Human Clock

Matchbooks made into sign language:
matchbook sign language

I need to try this when I get home. A photo mosaic creator. I haven't tried it yet, nor did I create it, so don't blame me if it's faulty or kills your computer.

Photo Mosaic Generator

American Idol, Queen, P. Diddy's Thoughts

2007-01-19T20:33:00.000-08:00

HILARIOUS! Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" performed in random styles...hahahaa. Hilarious! And he's really good at it, too. Scary.

http://www.vituperation.com/blog/637

We know what P. Diddy's thinking:
http://thesuperficial.com/2007/01/p_diddy_sneaks_a_peak_at_jessi.html

This is too classic. The MySpace pages of a bunch of really BAD American Idol wannabes:
http://deathbycamera.com/?p=30

Upcoming

2007-01-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

I am finally going to start reposting here because I found some great weblinks and doodads that I think you will all really enjoy. I can't wait to share them with you! Hopefully you won't be tooooo disappointed. :D

comicalert, my comic

2006-05-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

COMICALERT.com rules! You can add your favorite comics and then, if you have a paid LJ account, create a feed for all of them. So now, instead of having 50 feeds for 50 comics added, I can just have the one - my own personalized comicfest. , oh yes. :D

Updated my comic:
RIGHT HERE

Urinal Cake and Subway Rawk

2006-03-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

Urinal Cake Carl is, well...a comic about a urinal cake named Carl. I think they had me in mind when they made it. Hurrah!

And, of course, for Ariadne...I updated my online comic:
Rawkin' the Subway

Meth Heads

2006-03-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

Before and after photos of meth users. Oregon, where I live, is the meth capital of the U.S.A. OMG...no wonder there are so many fugly people here.

So disgusting/disturbing.

Chalk Artist

2006-03-09T01:29:00.000-08:00

nouseforanick_00 at LJ had this link and it was too amazing not to share.

Check out this guy's chalk artwork. AMAZING!

Real talent, I tell ya.

Rotten Appearances

2006-03-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

We all know I'm obsessed with the Sex Pistols and John Lydon. So this is more for me than anyone else.

John will be appearing on Steve Jones radio show this Friday, March 10th. Jonesy's Jukebox airs on Indie 103.1 FM, 12-2pm (Pacific Time) (8-10pm GMT), and is available to listen live online via their web site, and also through iTunes Radio.

He will also be making a return to ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live, the same day, Friday, March 10th at 12.05 (Pacific Time) (11.05 Central Time).

=====

For something everyone can enjoy, here ya go!

How 'bout a super lame Rolling Stones Rice Crispies commercial? CLICK HERE.

Oh, and speaking of youtube.com, for awhile I've wondered how to save those video files. Wonder no more! Download the videos here, then download the FLV players mentioned. Score!

From the folks of Landover Baptist comes this sparkling Easter gem: Easter Bunny: A Dangerous Tool From Satan! Haha...indeed.

And for once, VH1 has a great program on this week. It's I Love Toys. Tune in every weekday this week to count down the top 100 toys ever. I keep seeing stuff I remember from my childhood - aaaaah, memories! Memories, oh yes.

And this was just amusing: Thrall*Mart, a Wal*Mart parody that is totally true.

Steve-O is a Moron

2006-03-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

Yeah, we all know how stupid Steve-O is, but this is just wrong.

Red carpet potty. OMG.

Why I Love B.C.

2006-03-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

This is why I love the comic B.C.:
CLICK HERE

That's fucking sad. Haha. One of the greatest comics EVER!

Scary Ostrich

2006-03-04T04:39:00.000-08:00

The following link contains ads that are NSFW.

Okay, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm scared of fuckin' ostriches now. Scary, sadistic, disgusting bastard. Look at it...it's TERRIFYING!

Unshelved

2006-03-04T02:56:00.000-08:00

Unshelved is a great comic about life in a library. Oh, yes. I love it! :D

I mean, c'mon: THIS IS GOLD!

Gay Bunnies and Bambi Kickin' Ass

2006-03-02T20:11:00.000-08:00

Brokeback Mountain in 30 Seconds With Bunnies. You know you love it. :D

Bambi 2002 from SNL is amusing.

Frog Sex, Impatient Germans

2006-03-01T04:05:00.000-08:00

Two links from the tws_support community on LiveJournal:

How do frogs have sex? Apparently, quite oddly. It's not work-safe, but it's an animated Flash movie. I wouldn't link you up to animal porn or anything.

FROG SEX

A German kid who is really, really impatient as his game struggles to load:

PATIENCE CHILD

And I updated my comic:
Riffraff Comics : you know you love it!

Comic Update

2006-02-27T00:56:00.000-08:00

Much to Ariadne's delight I'm sure, I've updated my comic strip thing.

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/riffraff

Again, sorry I can't draw, but yes. As usual, based on an actual thing that happened to me.

Oh, and while randomly, well...randomizing random LiveJournals last night, I found some keepers. Oddly enough, they're all Russian...which may say something. I don't know what it's saying, but it's prob'ly something.

Random funny images (may not be safe for work):
http://users.livejournal.com/gitanes_/

People kissing. Some lovely photography on some of these:
http://community.livejournal.com/kissses_photos/

And I love Toy Story 2 and Requiem for a Dream, so seeing them come together as one is just...bizarre, yet entertaining:
http://www.alienpanic.com/toy.html

Pistols Say "No"

2006-02-25T04:20:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, The Sex Pistols were recently set to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Well, they released a (poorly spelled) note about what they think of the awards:

http://www.johnlydon.com/jlhome.html

Just scroll down and there's a scan. Haha...I love those guys. WOOT.

Diarrhea Song

2006-02-25T00:58:00.000-08:00

Remember the good ol' diarrhea song? Well, if you're a sick fuck like me, you do. LiquidGeneration (GODS, I tell you - GODS!) animated it:

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/content/a55hat.aspx?cid=1927

Love it? OF COURSE I DO!

Rotten Monarchy

2006-02-21T03:29:00.000-08:00

This is why I love John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon. From http://breakingnews.iol.ie:

Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten has launched a scathing attack on the British royal family while filming a documentary about the monarchy.

The 50-year-old punk icon - real name John Lydon - branded the late Diana, Princess Of Wales a "jealous bitch" and described Prince Charles' wife Camilla, Duchess Of Cornwall as a "car blanket".

Despite his comments, the God Save The Queen singer is still hoping to interview key members of the royal family for the as-yet-untitled documentary, which will air on British television later this year.

===

Yeah, like they're gonna want to be interviewed by him after that. Haha. <3

Galaxies

2006-02-16T00:35:00.000-08:00

This is pretty much the most amazing photograph I have EVER seen.

A Cluster of Galaxies.

Makes me seriously wonder how anyone could think that there isn't some form of life somewhere else out there.

Make sure you click on the image to view at totally ginormously. It's a FANTASTIC, AMAZING photo. I HAD to print it out. It's phenomenal.

Dubya Shit, Great Artist, Gingers

2006-02-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

This is slightly amusing. A guy singing a song called George Bush Don't Know Shit. It's a video, and it's done up like a news broadcast. I like it. Haha, you will at least get a WTF?! out of it.

I just found a link to the wonderful art of Laura Satana. Amazing. Comic book-ish, but totally beautiful. LOVE IT! WORSHIP IT! I am in love. The style is totally DA BOMB DIGGITY, YO'!

Check out these gorgeous photos from a documentary about witchcraft in 1922. NOT WORK SAFE, but it's just artsy ass.

If you watch South Park, you probably saw the episode about gingers (kids with red hair, pale skin, and freckles). Well, did you know that it's TRUE that gingers don't have souls? Gingerkids.org has all the disturbing details about why you should thank Jeeeeezuuuuus that you aren't a ginger. Unless you are one, in which case - tough shit.

Silent Garfield

2006-02-12T16:21:00.000-08:00

Via Neil Gaiman's blog, I found a forum in which people have been posting altered Garfield comics. The deal is, you edit out any thoughts by Garfield so it becomes kind of surreal...just a guy talking to his silent (yet odd) cat. I've never found Garfield remotely funny, but I think this really makes the comic better.

Case in point (I made this one):

CLICK HERE and view all the ones people have submitted. And maybe submit your own! I'm ritzraff there, so yes. :)

World's Fastest Feel Good Movie

2006-02-11T02:58:00.000-08:00

The World's Fastest Indian

If feel good movies are your thing, this movie will be worth your money.

The story centers around a man whose dream for twenty-five years has been to go to Utah's Salt Flats to race his old Indian motorcycle from the 20's. He's hoping to get it to top 200 miles per hour. However, along the way, things keep trying to prevent him from achieving this goal.

The characters he meets along the road are always helpful, though a bit put off at first by his dreams. Could someone really find so many helpful individuals this easily? I think not, but really, it'd slow the film down too much if he had to spend hours looking for the right person to help him. He ends up befriending a drag queen, a car salesman, and a Native American, to name a few. The Native American gives him a rather interesting cure for prostate troubles that's quite memorable.

Anyway, this film, thankfully, is not centered around a motorcycle race. It's more than that. This is, at its heart, a film about accomplishing one's dream, no matter who or what tries to stop us. It is a film about living life to the fullest, and not giving up, no matter how discouraging things may get.

All-in-all, a grand feel-good time at the movies, but really nothing overly special. By all means, see it. It's just not the most earth-shattering, most inspirational thing to ever come out. It's a good time, though.

OVERALL RATING: 7/10

If you have an account over on rottentomatoes.com, my account there is RIGHT HERE.

Flushed Away

2006-02-08T04:57:00.000-08:00

New from Aardman Animation and Dreamworks comes a really crappy movie. No, literally. Flushed Away is my own personal dream come true. It's an animated movie about a rat that gets flushed down the toilet in his apartment, where he has to learn the ways of the sewer life.

Check out the Sneak Peek here.

A cartoon about the sewer...seriously. I can't wait, and neither can you!

If you want to see a poo cartoon NOW, may I suggest Doggy Poo, the heartwarming tale of a dog turd that lives at the side of the road. One day, he meets a dandelion and tries to figure out his purpose in life. I'm not kidding - it's a REAL movie. I haven't seen it, but I'm lying and saying that I have in order to appear more eccentric than I already am. Yuuup, I saw it. I honestly want to, though...hahaha. It's the kind of SHIT I would come up with.

Cereal Toys, Commercials, Knitted Toys

2006-02-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

You know those TV commercials that just drive you apeshit? The really, really BAAAAAD ones? Well, there's a site dedicated solely to tearing apart the worst of the worst advertisements. Head on over to CommercialsIHate.com and LOVE it! Be sure to check out the white trash dolls and the current lineup of bad ads. Wonderful.

Oh, and some moron ran onstage at a Rolling Stones' concert and got nailed by Keith Richards' guitar. Ha...whatever. I don't even like that band, and it's not that amusing, but oh well.

I love X-Entertainment.com with a passion. They have a whole heaping helping of nostalgic doodads. Old commercials, childhood toys, etc. Right now I'm enjoying the massive Cereal Prize Project category. Loads of pages in which the X-Entertainment dude reviews loads of cereal prizes. I had the Cinnamon Toast Crunch wallet and loved it. Haha.

This next one is an instant classic. Someone made some beautiful knitted stuffed animals that are, well...VERY UNIQUE. Hahaha...I want them ALL! Those are fucking amazing...the kid on the tricycle, the scissors girl. Holy crap. Instant classic, like I said!

Comics By Me & Scared Santa Kids

2006-01-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the proddings and pokings of my dear friend, Ariadne, I've decided to FINALLY start updating my online comic again. It's at a strip creator because, frankly, I can't draw. But it'll still make you chuckle, I hope. Most of the strips are based on experiences I really have. They revolve a bit around rednecks and how they feel about anyone even remotely non-hickish. Oh, yes. Hilarity ensues.

Riffraff Comic

Oh, and someone in a LiveJournal community directed me to this site full of photos of kids tormented in the presence of Santa. I'd mentioned how I have a photo of me, aged about two, totally freaking out next to Santa. Apparently, I'm not the only one who gets the heebie-jeebies from the freaky "jolly" one.

Scared of Santa Gallery : CLASSIC!

Creepy Wax

2006-01-29T19:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, having no friends at all is better than having, well, THIS:
OMG! HE IS SO FIIIIIINE! WORK IT, BABY!

This is just fucking disturbing. Some guy made some totally CREEPY wax sculptures of people and babies and just, ew! Duh...I LOVE IT!

Just Pretend They're Real *Twilight Zone music*

vonhummer

2006-01-29T03:22:00.000-08:00

There's this local music artist here in Portland, OR called vonhummer. He has a show on public access every week or so, and at first he terrified me. He wears these strange lobsters in his hair, has a talking picture of an Asian guy, and his videos are like acid trips with not enough acid.

However, last night I tuned out his horrible videos and focused intently on his lyrics. The guy is awesome.

Vonhummer.com is his website, and if you go to the download page, you can get mp3s of all kinds of songs. The songs that made me a fan is "Tell the Gang on the Corner Not to Be Ignorant" and "Reality Ain't What It Used to Be".

He's quite weird/unique, and his voice takes just a tad getting used to, but once you get past his eccentricities, there's a man with strong views and a pure intention. If you like unique music, check him out. Good stuff.

Romance Cover Humor

2005-12-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

Altered Romance Novel Covers : amusing, yet sadly truthful

This is why I love cuteoverload : adorable!

Passion of the Benny

2005-12-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

This link might offend you if you're Christian, so be warned. Someone took scenes from The Passion of the Christ, dubbed in some Benny Hill music, and VOILA!

The Passion Remixed!

Also, this is the dumbest dog ever.

Time Warp Sims

2005-12-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

Someone made the Sims do the Time Warp and, quite frankly, it fucking ROCKS!

CLICK HERE.

OMG...like I said in the community, Riff's outfit is sexy as all hell. I like what he does for "bit of a mind flip". hahaha. Also, HOLY HELL! Columbia's (not the background Columbia - the one they actually made do all the singing for her) makeup is HIDEOUS in that. HAHAHA.

MS Paint Friend

2005-12-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

This is really fuckin' sad:
MS Paint Friend

Love it!

Coitus and Cartoons

2005-12-14T00:22:00.000-08:00

Look! An MRI of people having sex!
Coitus!

How to Have Sex, complete with cheezy cartoon drawings!
Right here.

Humorous images from the best trilogy ever made, The Matrix:
Asher's Attic

Cute drawings from Blogography:
HERE and HERE.

Aaaand, the most dumbass haircut I've ever seen:
Dumbass indeed.

Mutter Caricatures

2005-12-12T02:51:00.000-08:00

This guy draws GREAT caricature-type drawings of celebs:
Gallery of the Absurd

Also, Scott Mutter is an amazing photographer/photomanipulator. AWESOME. More of his stuff can be found: HERE.

Simultaneous Star Wars

2005-12-02T19:03:00.000-08:00

For any of you Star Wars fans out there (I'm not, but figured this would interest some of you), someone watched all six Star Wars films simultaneously and posted some bizarre coincidences. Things that occur over and over again within each film, similar events happening during the same exact time within two movies, etc.

Seriously, it's rather interesting.

CLICK HERE, YO'!

Sadly, I was way amused by that. Off to watch Jeopardy!, which is my geek pride refuge.

Proper Names and Pink Paper

2005-12-01T02:23:00.000-08:00

A creepy guy with a guitar teaches kids the proper names for their sex organs:
Proper Words Song

Pink Flyer : "A series of pictures chronicling a bizarre trend in inexplicable pink fliers."

Pee and Poo Toys

2005-11-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

Just what you never knew you needed - pee and poop toys! Sadly, I'm not joking.

PeeandPoo.com

Bored? Why not generate your very own warning label!
warninglabelgenerator.com

Links Up the Kazoo

2005-11-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for optical illusions, and this one's quite trippy:
http://www.rubytooth.com/media/15762/

Can't go wrong with Newgrounds an an annoying alphabet song:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/277262

A weird tale from bmezine about a couple who bit each other's fingers off instead of using wedding rings [*GRAPHIC*]:
http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050401.html

From NASA comes a sound file of what the planet Saturn sounds like:
http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/cassini/multimedia/pia07966.html

Ever wondered what your beating heart looks like? Wonder no more [*GRAPHIC*]:
http://www.specialdefects.com/v2/?heart

View males and females in various stages of undress. I had a kick trying to figure out which guys were packin' and which weren't:
http://120seconds.com/features/011207_naked/011207_naked.html

A fun site in which people submit things they believed in when they were young, grouped by category:
http://iusedtobelieve.com/

Draw a pig and see what it reveals about your personality!:
http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/

Links-a-Go-Go

2005-11-04T01:02:00.000-08:00

Here are some links I've been saving up for the past couple of days.

Where Babies Come From in Germany : NOT WORK SAFE!

Guess the Google : guess which word was searched for to come up with the resulting images. Harder than it sounds!

Everlasting Blort : a random, totally entertaining blog!

Secretly Terrifying Movies/Shows

2005-10-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

In light of the approaching day of Halloween, I have taken it upon myself to share with you some of the scariest movies and TV shows of all-time. These are the movies that gave me the heebie-jeebies when I was a child. These are the truly terrifying flicks that kept me up at night, checking in every corner for something creepy to dart out and snatch me away. While others may claim to be frightened of The Birds, Halloween, or Scream (pfft!), these are the works that really got my blood a-chillin'.

Seriously...I'm NOT kidding.

When I was four or so, I loved Dumbo. I was obsessed with the movie and couldn't get enough of it. However, as some of you may recall, there is one scene in which the poor, misguided Dumbo gets drunk. Yes, in a Disney movie, a cartoon pachyderm gets drunk. Or maybe it was LSD - who knows? Anyway, Dumbo proceeds to have what is to me, without a doubt, the creepiest trip I have ever experienced in a film. Hundreds of pink, gyrating, dancing elephants parade around amidst bizarre formations of psychedelic colors. I remember all too well hiding behind my father's recliner whenever this scene came on. I'd peep out, scared shitless, waiting for the creepy dancing creatures to go away. Yet I still loved the movie - I know, go figure.

First of all - the original Willy Wonka owns. I hated the remake. Anyway, this movie is pretty much aimed at children and tells them not to be greedy. For some reason, it was decided that the best way to get kids to be good little people was to show them random, terrifying images. A chicken gets its head chopped off, a millipede crawls across a lady's upper lip. It's disgusting. To this day, I have no idea how a movie maintains a G rating when it shows a decapitated chicken. Sickening.

The TV show Fraggle Rock was my all-time favorite show as a child. My parents recorded many episodes for me, and I watched and re-watched them all with fervor. The big giant people scared me a bit, but what really made me piss myself was the Trash Heap. She was this oracle-like, enchanted pile of rubbish that would come to life when these rat-like puppets would summon her. I remember being most scared of her huge nose, which to me seemed like some kind of cancerous growth. She haunted my dreams, and to this day, I keep as far away as possible from garbage dumps for fear of seeing something...deep down...moving...

Today's Special was another genuinely fucked-up children's show. I know it involved finding out whatever that day's special was in this store. For some reason, I recall everything taking place after-hours. Anyway, the puppets in this (yes, notice a pattern? I HATE puppets!) show were fucking repulsive. See that guy above? I don't know who he was or what his job on the show was, but he scared the living feces out of me. I also remember a really ugly, scary old woman who worked downstairs from the main room in the store. I actually had a nightmare about her once. She was up on a wall in Rite Aid, wrapped sadistically in a telephone cord. I bumped into someone and said, "excuse me," and she said, "yeeeees?!" like a really old woman with a tracheotomy. Blech!

Honestly, I have no idea why this one scared me. I recently rented it and it was the dumbest, most juveile piece of crap movie ever. The kid from Wonder Years finds a blue monster under his bed and goes into the land of monsters. It's not that scary, and the monster looks downright ridiculous. The part that most scared me is when the monster would disappear, leaving a little soupy, steaming pile of clothes behind on the kid's floor.

Let me just say - Little Shop of Horrors, as a live musical, is phenomenal. As a movie, though, it's not that great. My parents used to watch this every time it came on HBO, and I hated them for it. The plant was a fucking pervert, its voice was like a wannabe Jamaican cokehead, and Seymour goes outside and HACKS PEOPLE to feed to the plant. "Feeeeeeed meeeeeee!" I wanted Seymour to set that damned plant on fire and get it out of my life forever. Another plant-related thing that was creepy was Don't Go Down in the Basement or something like that...a Goosebumps book by R.L. Stine. Some kid's dad grew plant leaves out of his fucking head. Talking plants are just horrifying. Again - puppets.

Okay, first of all, just look at Howard the Duck. He's a short little puppet-like person in a duck outfit. I like yellow ducks, but these crazy, pervy white alien ones are just SICK. The part of the movie that scarred me forever was when they go into a restaurant, and that creepy guy is possessed by the alien or whatever...and the waitress is trying to figure out what he wants to eat, and he makes weird, scary noises and just looks like the guy you'd least want to have sex with EVER. He's all possessed and psychotic. (shudders)

This is embarrassing, but I saw this movie for the first time when I was 17 or so. It was 2:30 at night, and granted, I was half asleep, but it still terrified me. Bowie - good. Firey puppets that take their body parts off, throw them around, then attempt to take off a human being's head? Not fun at all! The way they sing and dance is nerve-wracking too. It took me months before I could get myself to even listen to "Chilly Down" without being scared. Just goes to show you that you're never too old to get emotionally damaged by a puppet.

Beetlejuice himself never scared me, but that shrunkenheaded THING up there ^ made me want to PUKE. It just sat there in the waiting room, silent and plotting...then when it spoke, my GOD, I felt like maggots were crawling into my ears and devouring my brain. It's a pretty ridiculous-looking puppet, but still yucky.

Remember this scene in Spaceballs, when the guy was eating at the counter, and a little alien pops out? YUCK! It starts singing, "hello, my honey, hello my baby" and it's just WRONG.

I think I've reached a conclusion - puppets are the scariest things a movie can possess. If you have puppets, you have terror, through and through.

Willy Dance

2005-10-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

Some random internet gems which prove, yet again, that the web is a utopia for sick, twisted fucks like me.

Man Loses Ring, Digs For It In Toilet
-Some people are just plain sick.-
LINK

The Willy Dance
-Because all genitalia have a secret dream of their own.-
LINK

If I Could Shit Out My Cock
-Ya gotta love the weirdos at b3ta.com-
LINK

Hey Hey 16K
-Because everyone knows, if you want a computer, nothin' beats a 16k.-
LINK

Puberty Pals

2005-10-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

This cracked me up. Not work-safe, I wouldn't imagine, but it's deceptively cute.

PUBERTY PALS!

Neil Gaiman

2005-10-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

Oh...my...GOD!

I met Neil Gaiman the third, and omg...he was soooooo nice, charming, witty, and BRITISH. SOOOO amazing.

Nick and I were the FIRST TWO PEOPLE IN LINE! We were by ourselves for about two hours before anyone else showed up. We got there around one o'clock, with the event scheduled to start at 7:30. While waiting, we made friendlies with those around us...the first six or so people that showed up after us quickly formed a bond, sharing stories about Neil, Nick Cave, David Bowie, Harry Potter, and The Princess Bride. Oh, yes. One of the lovely fellows next to us in line even made a bottle of mead for Neil, which I am sure he appreciated very much (if the man who was giving it to him was able to stay long enough - he had a flight to catch...I hope he was able to meet Neil!).

We also had a jolly good time laughing it up over the guy who stopped by us, asking, "anyone got any heeeerrrrb?" (He was serious, and was later arrested by an overly zealous policeman who made it a point to stop in front of us again, letting us know, "that guy you all told me about - I GOT 'IM!") Some other random guy walked by, rapping along atrociously to his headphones, but it was all in good fun. Our little group also joked around about how funny it was that Neil Gaiman was doing a signing in a CHURCH of all places, then we decided it wasn't really THAT strange, since he does include oodles of mythology in his works, of course.

For some stupid reason, the Powell's employees, who were sponsoring the event, decided to open the OTHER door, not the one everyone had lined up at originally. We attempted to shove ourselves across the breezeway, but some people who HADN'T been there for six hours ended up ahead of us...no matter...

We still got front row, middle seats.

Anyway, once the event itself started, it was WONDERFUL. I took some pictures as Neil read one of my favorite parts of Anansi Boys (the part about wine, women, and song). His British accent is so alluring. Anyway, then he did a short Q&A section, during which someone asked about what became of the Satanic salsa ("my housekeeper loves to can things, so it's waiting at home"). Some girl who travelled five and a half hours by bus got a limited edition Sandman statue, worth $200. He also read "A Writer's Prayer", because someone said it was appropriate, based on the church setting. :)

At one point, a little girl jumped up and down, going, "oo! Oo! OO!" Neil let her ask a question about Coraline. Later, a guy up in the balcony raised his hand and snapped his fingers, to which Neil said something about how that doesn't even work for waiters, "why would it work for me? An 11-year-old girl, jumping up and down going OO! OO! works." To which the girl yelled out, "NINE!" Neil said, "NINE years old, excuse me." :D

Anyway, then it was time for our books to be signed...that man is SO EASY to talk to.

When I got up to him, the following ensued:

(gives Neil pictures of me with the Satanic ice cube found in freezer) [ LINK ]

ME: I sent this to you through your website, but I didn't know whether or not you saw it.

NEIL: Oh, yeah, I did!

ME: You should probably start a collection of all the Satanic food items people discover. I just thought it was weird because there wasn't water dripping down in the freezer or anything.

NEIL: I've heard there's a scientific explanation for that, but to me, saying it's Satanic just makes more sense. (smiles)

ME: Oh, yeah, definitely.

(NEIL reads the note I wrote at the bottom of the picture, which was basically saying how much I appreciated his works. He laughs softly at my P.S. of, "The lime is so hot.")

NEIL: The lime is hot, isn't it? (smiling)

ME: Oh, yeah! It's so sexy.

NEIL: Well, I will say it's the most well-rounded character I've ever created. (laughs)

(Joke about a LIME being ROUNDISH goes completely over my head until I leave the event.)

(NEIL starts saying again how hot the lime is, while he begins to sign my book, when I unintentionally interrupt him.)

ME: Um, I have a request.

NEIL: Yes?

ME: It's kind of silly, but could you sign it with 'love and limes'?

NEIL: Oh, of course! Oddly enough, I've actually signed a few that way on my own. And because you think the lime is so hot, I'll draw one for you. (NEIL draws a cute little lime, and labels it 'a lime', just in case there was any doubt)

(NEIL hands book to me)

ME: Can I have a hug?

NEIL: Sure!

(We BOTH lean over the table, during which NEIL gives ME a very nice, warm hug. Also included in this hug is the feeling of his soft, for once, COMBED, hair against my cheek.)

ME: Thank you very much!

NEIL: You're most welcome. (NEIL grins genuinely, then moves on to next person in line)

Come on, that is AWESOME! That's pretty much it word for word, as I kept repeating the whole conversation to myself over and over, engraining it forever in my memory. He was SO REAL, down-to-earth, nice, and he took all that time to talk to me.

I only saw ONE other person give him a hug, and most of the people just stood there blankly, getting their book signed and moving on, not even talking to him. That is SAD.

Now, maybe they were just nervous. I mean, I read Stardust and Good Omens when they were new, but it wasn't until I picked up Smoke and Mirrors a few months ago (I am ashamed I just became a fan) that I was blown away. I immediately had to devour anything of his I could get my hands on.

Oh, yeah, anyway...I think if I'd been a fan longer, maybe it would have been more difficult for me to talk to him. I don't know, though, I'm pretty amazed by his writing ability. Anyone who can write a short story so well, dragging you in so deeply so quickly, is a GREAT role model by me.

But yes, it was awesome. I took the pictures (and Nick took some of me talking to Neil - we couldn't pose with him, because it'd been taking too long at other events) on an actual camera, so I won't be able to share those until they get developed. But yes, I had such a great time!

Here's my SIGNED first edition copy of Anansi Boys:

I didn't know you could get more than one thing signed, unfortunately. I wish I had known that, because then I could have gotten my first edition copy of Stardust signed. Oh, well, when he comes back next time, I'll be there!

God...first "celebrity" I've ever met, and he was SO FUCKING SWEET! God...so REAL. He is AMAZING!

Net Disaster

2005-09-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

Destroy your favorite websites using various methods.

NetDisaster.com

Video Game Comics

2005-08-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

If you love video games, new and old, check out these amusing comics:

COMICS HERE

10 Things a Single Girl Should Own

2005-08-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is completely moronic. MSN put up a list of "10 things every single girl must own". I particularly loathe #3 - "an Eminem CD...if all he sees is a stack of girl bands...he's going to panic." Well, PISS ON HIM THEN! If he's going to get so bent out of shape that he's not going to understand that we all listen to the music someone WANTS to listen to, and if he's going to decide not to like someone because they don't listen to the same music he does, SCREW HIM! This list has some of the WORST advice I have EVER heard (okay, maybe not EVER, but it's super cheezy).

If I was digging around some dude's music collection and found an Eminem CD, I'd say, "that's it - your tastes are horrid. Rap? Um, excuse me, but NOOOO!" If it was the ONLY rap CD he had, I could deal...but if he had that, he might have nothing BUT rap. It's a package deal. If you have loads of Bowie, and a few rap CDs, I could deal with that. If it's all honky-tonk redneck crap or rap, see ya. You have to have some really awesome stuff to offset the shit. TRUST ME...I have shit in my collection, too. If he had modern rock, Fall Out Boy, U2, and Linkin Park, that'd be it though. Even Bowie can't redeem someone in that situation. But yes. Anyway.

CLICK HERE

And since WHEN is, "Hetero, homo or metro?" a good pick-up line? NO PICK-UP LINE IS GOOD! And that one is so lame and stupid that it'd make me want to sock the interrogater in the jaw.

I leave you with a headline from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. This was on a pack of modelling clay. Nice anatomically INCORRECT chicken, eh?

Weird Pictures Archive

2005-08-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

This is just too fucking awesome. Check out all the different categories on the left portion of the following site.

Weird Picture Archive

Top Ten Christian

2005-07-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Top ten signs you're a fundamentalist Christian.

No offense, but that shit is hilarious.

Harry Potter Crash

2005-07-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

Here's an amusing video of some guy cruising in front of a Barnes and Noble, ruining the ending of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for everyone. SPOILER...duh.

Clickity-click.

Torture Devices

2005-07-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

I'm a sick, sick bastard who is interested in ancient methods of torture. I'm not personally into torturing people, but I am intrigued by the history of it. I just found the following site, which features photos and in-depth descriptions of all kinds of torture devices:

infernal device

Chinko Boner

2005-07-15T22:34:00.000-07:00

Only the Japanese could come up with something this bizarre. Look! An annoying little animation featuring a cute lil' dude's boner!

Chinko!

Haha. God, I love that kind of crap.

Weblog Survey

2005-07-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

Store Wars & Flexi-Woman

2005-07-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

Like Star Wars (I don't)? Then check out Grocery Store Wars. I watched thirty seconds, felt like a moron, and had to leave the site.

Store Wars

This is creepy...throw this chick around like a ragdoll and see her bend into impossible positions (not sexual). Don't forget to click and drag:

Amazing Falling, Flexible Woman!

Music Map

2005-06-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

This is a pretty damned nifty little feature. You go to the following website, type in the name of one of your favorite artists, and a list of other (supposedly similar) artists is generated. I found it because I was trying to figure out how to describe a band to someone. Type the band's name in, and a list is generated of singers and bands either similar or that other fans liked.

Music-Map.com : check it out!

Records Gone Bananas

2005-06-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine owning all these? This guy's getting rid of his record collection, and there's a lot. I mean, a LOT. You could live a hundred lifetimes and never have a chance to listen to all these. Holy SHIT. Just check out all the pictures. It looks like they're all crap no one's ever heard of, but sometimes, unheard of crap is the best crap.

CLICK HERE

PostSecret

2005-06-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. I just found what may be the greatest website in Internet history.

It's a website that features postcards people send in proclaiming their secrets. They send them in anonymously (check the entry at the verrrrry bottom for an explanation as to what the site's about).

Seriously...some of this shit is choking me up:

PostSecret

You will want to bookmark it, trust me.

Googly Eyes

2005-05-14T18:54:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine pointed this out to me. You go upload an image, cut out the eye sockets, and put movable googly eyes in 'em.

Beat this!

Bowie Bulgy Eyes!

That's wrong on more than one level.

Kittens, Cobain Flick, and more

2005-05-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Vote for the cutest kitten. That's right, it's a KITTEN WAR!

More about cats...this time, a ROBOTIC ONE. That's just creepy.

This is just strange. Someone made a USB Drive out of a Barbie doll. *Twilight Zone music* Weird people, I swear.

The Onion brings us another instant classic with Innovative Products. I particularly enjoy the chicken that lays its own dipping sauce. Quite handy.

There's some French movie or something based around Kurt Cobain. I'm not a fan or anything, but anyway. They got the guy who played Tommy Gnosis in Hedwig and the Angry Inch (great film) to play Blake, a guy who is supposed to be Kurt or something. Anyway, the Site Is Here. I'm not interested in it, but I know some of you would be (one of you in particular). You can watch the trailer HERE.

Guitar

2005-05-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

My husband is obsessed with martial arts, and has been ever since he was a little kid. Sometime later this year, he's going to start taking martial arts classes again.

I have decided, since he's going to do that, I'm going to fulfill a dream I've been having for years...

I'm going to take guitar lessons. It will RULE. And my man's all, "acoustic or...?" and I'm like, "ELECTRIC! DUH! JESUS." Nothing wrong with an acoustic, but I want to molest an electric guitar like whoa. Maybe you have to learn on an acoustic, I haven't a clue, but I'm SO taking guitar lessons. I don't know when, but I shall do this. AWESOME.

I've always dreamt of what it'd be like to be playing guitar alongside David Bowie. I know THAT won't happen, but that's why I want to learn. So I can write songs and what-not. I can't sing worth a shit, so it'd have to be a Joe Satriani type thing - all guitar work, no words. Or words, but not me singing 'em. Haha.

Songs to Wear Pants To

2005-05-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

This site is hilarious. People go tell this guy specific, strange things he has to include in songs he comes up with. For example, "an evil pickle that kills everyone" or "hip hop with a bad english accent." It's mostly hip-hop type stuff, but fuckin' awesome:

http://www.songstowearpantsto.com/

Fetus Blog

2005-04-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

We all know Britney Spears is pregnant, but did you know that her fetus has been keeping an online blog?

Brought to you by the lovely folks at LiquidGeneration, the goods are RIGHT HERE. Be sure to check out all the crazy archives.

Found Notes LiveJournal

2005-04-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

Along the same lines as my last post, there's a great found notes community on LiveJournal.com:

Found_Notes. Just pray that none of them are YOURS.

Found Magazine

2005-04-06T15:35:00.000-07:00

If you get a sick kick out of found notes and the like, have you checked out Found Magazine?

http://www.foundmagazine.com

I don't know why, but it's highly addictive and amusing. Some of the items found therein are truly classic.

Bad Album Covers

2005-04-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Check it out!:

The Worst Album Covers Ever

Awesome.

Gideon's Laptop

2005-03-18T15:18:00.000-08:00

MTV news correspondent Gideon Yago has had his laptop stolen. He says that he had screenplays and all sorts of writings that were only backed up on that computer.

Dude, Gideon - it's called a CD burner, okay, man? They're not expensive. If you didn't have the mindset to stop and go, "hmm. I have important files on this computer. Hmm. Maybe I should back everything up in case something ever happens. Hmm," then you are an IDIOT. Thank you.

LINK:
Gideon's Missing Laptop

Hobo Clown Hair

2005-03-18T00:26:00.000-08:00

Never let it be said that I don't have decent fashion sense. Especially after viewing the following image:

MY EYES! What the hell is THAT?! I can't tell if she/he really looks like that, or if it's all really bad makeup for some atrocious movie role. I'm not one to judge, but DAMN...that's just scary.

Amazon.com Reviews

2005-03-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

This guy has written some of the most hilarious Amazon.com reviews EVER. They're funny, yet subtle enough that they haven't been removed by the censors or whatever:

Right here.

Just Married

2005-03-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

JUST MARRIED!

Me? Yes, me! WOOOHOOOO! Since about 3:20 pm yesterday (March 13th), in fact. My high school counselor performed the small, intimate ceremony. Hizzah! I have to wait until Sunday to move up with my husband, though...husband...gosh, that sounds so weird. But in a *great* way!

I had a final today, and Thursday I have a doctor's appointment, so yes. But yaaaaay to me and my Nicholas! *dances*

Jazzin' For Blue Jean & The Man Who Fell to Earth

2005-03-04T16:15:00.000-08:00

Easter Eggs (for those not in the know - hidden, unlisted bonus features on DVDs) are the devil, I swear. They evade me like Bigfoot - sometimes spotted briefly, only to disappear and never be found again.

Now, true, there are sites like Eeggs.com, which clearly point out to you every little hidden detail, but what's the fun in that?

Anyway, my point is, for over a year now, I've possessed the two-disc Best of Bowie DVD set. I knew about the hidden interview from the Ziggy days, and random other stuff as well. However, last night I made a really badass discovery on the disc.

I have to give this one away - it's just too awesome not to.

For Bowie fans "in the know," you'll know that the music video "Blue Jean" is, in fact, a shorter version of a twenty-minute film entitled Jazzin' for Blue Jean - you know, a big promotional video like they used to make "back in the day".

I had no idea, but that entire twenty-minute film is on the Best of Bowie DVD. I'm not joking.

Go to highlight "Blue Jean".
Click right.
Highlight and select the ) that appears.
The "Blue Jean" image on the right will change - select it.

TADA! Jazzin' for Blue Jean GREATNESS! It's so hilarious. Bowie plays both Screamin' Lord Byron and a dorky, bandaged-nosed character named Vic. I won't give it away, but seriously - it's on there, I never knew it because I don't CHEAT when it comes to Easter Eggs, and just...yes. Do check it out - it's so amusing and wonderful.

Maybe I'm weird, but I'm not one of those people who thinks Bowie can't act. I've only seen JFBJ, The Man Who Fell to Earth, Zoolander (such a stupid movie), and Labyrinth, but I mean...I think he's alright. "He's out of sight - he's alright." Ha! I made a funny. *chortles*

They actually have The Man Who... on DVD here at the college library, but I'd recommend the edited version, which I have on VHS. It's way less confusing. Also, to anyone who hasn't seen the film (or maybe did and was confused by it), read the book by Walter Tevis first - that way, the movie's way less confusing. I've seen the edited and non-edited versions of the film, and I prefer (HIGHLY prefer) the edited one - it flows better and the story is much clearer and more approachable. The book's great too, though.