Secretly Terrifying Movies/Shows

In light of the approaching day of Halloween, I have taken it upon myself to share with you some of the scariest movies and TV shows of all-time. These are the movies that gave me the heebie-jeebies when I was a child. These are the truly terrifying flicks that kept me up at night, checking in every corner for something creepy to dart out and snatch me away. While others may claim to be frightened of The Birds, Halloween, or Scream (pfft!), these are the works that really got my blood a-chillin'.

Seriously...I'm NOT kidding.



When I was four or so, I loved Dumbo. I was obsessed with the movie and couldn't get enough of it. However, as some of you may recall, there is one scene in which the poor, misguided Dumbo gets drunk. Yes, in a Disney movie, a cartoon pachyderm gets drunk. Or maybe it was LSD - who knows? Anyway, Dumbo proceeds to have what is to me, without a doubt, the creepiest trip I have ever experienced in a film. Hundreds of pink, gyrating, dancing elephants parade around amidst bizarre formations of psychedelic colors. I remember all too well hiding behind my father's recliner whenever this scene came on. I'd peep out, scared shitless, waiting for the creepy dancing creatures to go away. Yet I still loved the movie - I know, go figure.



First of all - the original Willy Wonka owns. I hated the remake. Anyway, this movie is pretty much aimed at children and tells them not to be greedy. For some reason, it was decided that the best way to get kids to be good little people was to show them random, terrifying images. A chicken gets its head chopped off, a millipede crawls across a lady's upper lip. It's disgusting. To this day, I have no idea how a movie maintains a G rating when it shows a decapitated chicken. Sickening.



The TV show Fraggle Rock was my all-time favorite show as a child. My parents recorded many episodes for me, and I watched and re-watched them all with fervor. The big giant people scared me a bit, but what really made me piss myself was the Trash Heap. She was this oracle-like, enchanted pile of rubbish that would come to life when these rat-like puppets would summon her. I remember being most scared of her huge nose, which to me seemed like some kind of cancerous growth. She haunted my dreams, and to this day, I keep as far away as possible from garbage dumps for fear of seeing something...deep down...moving...



Today's Special was another genuinely fucked-up children's show. I know it involved finding out whatever that day's special was in this store. For some reason, I recall everything taking place after-hours. Anyway, the puppets in this (yes, notice a pattern? I HATE puppets!) show were fucking repulsive. See that guy above? I don't know who he was or what his job on the show was, but he scared the living feces out of me. I also remember a really ugly, scary old woman who worked downstairs from the main room in the store. I actually had a nightmare about her once. She was up on a wall in Rite Aid, wrapped sadistically in a telephone cord. I bumped into someone and said, "excuse me," and she said, "yeeeees?!" like a really old woman with a tracheotomy. Blech!



Honestly, I have no idea why this one scared me. I recently rented it and it was the dumbest, most juveile piece of crap movie ever. The kid from Wonder Years finds a blue monster under his bed and goes into the land of monsters. It's not that scary, and the monster looks downright ridiculous. The part that most scared me is when the monster would disappear, leaving a little soupy, steaming pile of clothes behind on the kid's floor.



Let me just say - Little Shop of Horrors, as a live musical, is phenomenal. As a movie, though, it's not that great. My parents used to watch this every time it came on HBO, and I hated them for it. The plant was a fucking pervert, its voice was like a wannabe Jamaican cokehead, and Seymour goes outside and HACKS PEOPLE to feed to the plant. "Feeeeeeed meeeeeee!" I wanted Seymour to set that damned plant on fire and get it out of my life forever. Another plant-related thing that was creepy was Don't Go Down in the Basement or something like that...a Goosebumps book by R.L. Stine. Some kid's dad grew plant leaves out of his fucking head. Talking plants are just horrifying. Again - puppets.



Okay, first of all, just look at Howard the Duck. He's a short little puppet-like person in a duck outfit. I like yellow ducks, but these crazy, pervy white alien ones are just SICK. The part of the movie that scarred me forever was when they go into a restaurant, and that creepy guy is possessed by the alien or whatever...and the waitress is trying to figure out what he wants to eat, and he makes weird, scary noises and just looks like the guy you'd least want to have sex with EVER. He's all possessed and psychotic. (shudders)



This is embarrassing, but I saw this movie for the first time when I was 17 or so. It was 2:30 at night, and granted, I was half asleep, but it still terrified me. Bowie - good. Firey puppets that take their body parts off, throw them around, then attempt to take off a human being's head? Not fun at all! The way they sing and dance is nerve-wracking too. It took me months before I could get myself to even listen to "Chilly Down" without being scared. Just goes to show you that you're never too old to get emotionally damaged by a puppet.



Beetlejuice himself never scared me, but that shrunkenheaded THING up there ^ made me want to PUKE. It just sat there in the waiting room, silent and plotting...then when it spoke, my GOD, I felt like maggots were crawling into my ears and devouring my brain. It's a pretty ridiculous-looking puppet, but still yucky.



Remember this scene in Spaceballs, when the guy was eating at the counter, and a little alien pops out? YUCK! It starts singing, "hello, my honey, hello my baby" and it's just WRONG.

I think I've reached a conclusion - puppets are the scariest things a movie can possess. If you have puppets, you have terror, through and through.