Typeracer!

Oh, sorry - one more link. I'm a nerd...a race (with little moving animated cars!) to see if you are a fast enough typist to beat other online typists! Neurotically, geekily addictive.

Go, Typeracer, go!!!

Though, based on my performances after 4 races (of which I won all 4), either:

a.) I'm better than I thought at typing
b.) other people suck more
or
c.) people at 10:44 a.m. Pacific time cannot function quickly enough to type

Coffin Couches, Cubes, Curves, and Cartoons Gone Crazy

I totally need a new couch. This one is made out of a coffin. Yes, a coffin. Thus, I cannot tell you how badly I want this thing. And best of all, these are all made from used coffins. You know, people weren't buried in them, but these are ones either used as display models or ones for viewings. Seriously. That is awesome. Please buy me one - they are only around $4,500 and well worth every dollar.

Coffincouches.com

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I love and adore old, vintage photos. Usually, I must make do with LiveJournal community's consisting of old family photos. That's nice, but sometimes you want a big ol' off-LJ gallery. Well, here's a really good one! Yippee!

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How'd you like to try maneuvering on that road? Or any of these crazy streets for that matter. I'm not the best driver in the world, so um...no. Just...no. Particularly NO on this one CLICK.

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I love crap like this. It's called Pooh Goes to Hollywood, and while the characters don't really look like Winnie the Pooh, it's still awesome. I, however, suck at figuring out which movies things like that are depicting. See if you fare better.

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I leave you with this, which, if legal, I would totally do to my 500-square-foot apartment. Not only would it give me extra room to store more crap I don't need, but most importantly, it really makes me think of Cube, one of my favorite sci-fi movies EVER. Niiiiice.

Flipbooks, Abductions, and Robot Pigs

Coolest lamp ever? I think so. Who wouldn't want that? Unless, I mean, you're a complete MORON! I mean...look at it. Bask in its otherworldly glory. Feel yourself compelled to embrace the sights and sounds of worlds imagined only in your creepiest of dreams. [link]

Moooooooooooooooo!

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Turn one of the most famous shipwrecks/tragedies of all time into a fantabulous joyride for you, yours, and ours! That's right, step right up aboard the S. S. Tiflatatanic. Bounce onboard this air-filled, cozy little ship and remember - when life hands you lemons, simply deflate the shit out of things.

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This is so damned awesome:

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Pig machine? CREEEEEEPYYYYY.

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Ether Elegia creates beautiful, surreal art with manipulated photos. Very dreamy and just...gorgeous.

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Do you like screws? Really, really like screws? No, not that screws...the kind you use a screwdriver with. The tool. Ah, jeez...too many innuendos. Someone really likes screws...I mean...really.

Screw Asylum (yes, it's SFW, you sickos)

Married to the Sea

Okay, seriously, why did I never know the Toothpaste for Dinner guy made this?

married to the sea comic. Ingenious. Like a Dick and Jane book gone twisted. Go. Read. Now.

Youngme, Nowme

I love stuff like this. Pictures of people re-enacting photos of themselves as young whippersnappers.

Youngme, Nowme

That's all I got right now, for I must study Biology. Ciao!

Paper Art

Previously posted on my lj.

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Amazing artist of the day!

This guy creates staircases, skeletons, castles, birds, etc...all by cutting shapes out of paper. I kid you not. This guy is amazing.

LINK IS HERE

Some of my favorites:
[ 1 ] dead thinker.
[ 2 ] I love stairs...in just about any form.
[ 3 ] yeeha!
[ 4 ] adorable.
[ 5 ] this is right up my twisted alley.
[ 6 ] sad, but beautiful.
[ 7 ] first one I saw...wow.

And this, just so you can see the massive size of some of his creations, as well as how he cuts out the shapes:
Impressive!

WOW...if I had the patience...I still would suck at that.

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Ever wonder how big a blue whale is? I mean, really is? Well, I hope your Internet connections are quick, or you'll be loading the size of one into your monitor for a looooong time.

But this must be seen to be believed.

Click here for a life-size blue whale.

A blue whale, the largest animal to EVER live, full size in your computer. Let the wonders of nature amaze and render you speechless.

Coffee Machines & Slow-Mo Lighters

I don't even drink coffee, but I really, really want one of these. I just want it to sit around and look awesome.

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These kinds of fake forms amuse me so much. And this one, you just click on and fill out. VOILA! Insta-lame-funniness. :)

EDIT: Here's the link, duh: CLICK HERE!

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Play Mario and all the Nintendo games online!
Yes, I am a dork.

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You can make your own interactive family tree here:
Geni

Or why not make your own virtual tour, say, of your house?

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And I don't know why I find this so fascinating; I just do:

Inner Life of Martin Frost

The Inner Life of Martin Frost got horrible, I mean horrible, reviews. I mean, it's slow and not much happens, but it's a.) got David Thewlis in it, and b.) it's about a muse in physical form. And Paul Auster narrates it.

I think you must have to be an extremely dorky writer to get it or something, but I thought it was...oookaaaay. Not brilliant, but not the worst thing ever. It's one of those movies that stays at about the same emotional level throughout, which The Fountain did as well (though that movie, IMO, is an A+ film). Some people would think it extremely boring, but as a writer, I can relate to it.

It does, however, seem like it would do better as a play, particularly once the fifty minute mark hits. This is also the bit that gets a bit too odd for most people, I'm assuming.



Once the hour mark hit (it's only an hour and a half long), though, I was ready for it to end. I also felt how Martin is feeling on the right - bored. Nothing was happening, and what was happening was ticking along slower than a clock stuck on slow-motion reverse in the Twilight Zone.

It wouldn't be something I'd pull off the shelf over and over and over, but it was...alright. Sadly, it started off quite good from a writer's viewpoint, then it just got fuckin' boring. I just wanted to ogle Mr. Thewlis and ignore the movie itself. It started having flashbacks to stuff in the movie that didn't need flashbacks...gah.

PROS:

• David Thewlis ass shot
  
• David Thewlis and his amazing actorly goodness
  
• it's about writing
  
• it has a muse in it
  
• plenty of Thewlis mouth action
  
• David Thewlis throwing a screwdriver at a dart board...exciting!
  
• A line towards the end, in which Claire (muse) says, "no sex for a year," and Martin (Thewlis), blindfolded, asks hopefully, "not even with the blindfold?"

CONS:

• stupid cowboy outfit guy
  
• nothing much happens in it
  
• feels more like a play
  
• dull soundtrack
  
• muse is not fantastical enough
  
• feels like Paul Auster trying to seem more important than he is

Overall Grade:C, possibly C+, if photos like these factor into it.

Three Minute Man

I found this article amusing...

"Sex Therapists: a Few Minutes Is Best
By MEGAN K. SCOTT, AP

NEW YORK — Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."

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SERIOUSLY?! Three minutes?! I agree with the 13, but THREE?! Who said THREE?! As someone who prefers the actual sex to foreplay, I can only assume the women who said three were those who got like fifty minutes of canoodling, cuz honestly...way to not like sex at ALL. Maybe those people who wanted three minutes either got super oral beforehand, or were like ninety and dry as a mummy's asshole.

Velvet Revolver Boots Weiland

I know, I know, shocking. But Velvet Revolver, one of the only decent recent (heh! rhyme!) rock bands have given that sexy troublemaker, Scott Weiland, the boot.

The news from this news article informs us:

"Velvet Revolver was confronted from the start with Weiland's drug and legal problems as it juggled performance schedules, recording sessions and promotional work to accommodate his court dates and rehab.

Last month, Weiland pleaded innocent to a charge of driving under the influence of drugs stemming from his arrest on a Los Angeles freeway ramp in November. He is free on $40,000 bail and is due back in court for a pretrial hearing on Friday.

A public feud between Weiland and Velvet Revolver's drummer already had cast doubt on the band's future when the statement on behalf of Sorum, Slash, McKagan and Kushner was issued under the headline "Velvet Revolver to Part Ways with Singer."

"This band is all about its fans and its music, and Scott Weiland isn't 100% committed to either," Slash was quoted as saying. "Among other things, his increasingly erratic on-stage behavior and personal problems have forced us to move on."

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Oh, Scott. Must you be forever a druggie? Seriously. I miss the days of your late STP glam-wannabe fabulousness.

A la one of the weirdest, yet sexiest, music videos ever (IMHTTO*):



Or even this oddity:


I was never too obsessed with STP's earlier stuff, but damn, I loved No. 4 and Shangri-La...even Scott's crappy solo album. But yes, VR done with him? I don't blame them...but poop nugget asshole, that sucks. I wonder if he'll ever get clean?

*doubts it, sadly*

*in my holier-than-thou opinion